One of my greatest fears used to be that I would be walking down the street one day, minding my own business when suddenly Scarlet Johansson comes up to me and says:

"Quick...I need the definition of 'Too much time on their hands'"

Now I used to fear that because I had no idea what I would say. Firstly, I'd be in awe of Scarlet's radiance in person and almost struck dumb by her beauty. Plus I'd have to act like I don't see the angels circling her or the halo glowing above her head. Then I'd have to respond in the hopes of her and I striking up a budding romance that will result in a post-modern version of Romeo and Juliet. Except without the death. No one like death. Except morticians. And Mariah Carey. She must be sadistic if she'd subject people to her music over and over again.
But anyway...
Not anymore because, ladies and gentlemen, I have found the definition that Scarlet so desperately desires:

Cliff Arnell, a psychologist at a Welsh university has devised a formula to calculate the year's emotional lowpoint. According to him, january 23rd was the gloomiest day of 2006. That's according to this formula:

[W + (D-d)] x TQM x NA

The variables are (W)eather, (D)ebt, (d) - monthly salary, (T)ime since Christmas, time since failure to (Q)uit a bad habit, low (M)otivational levels and (NA), the need to take action.

Someone is paying this man to come up with this crap?????? I could come up with a better random formula than that. That's just stupid. No, even better. It's the definition of "Too much time on their hands."

Scarlet, where are you?