You know what? I give up. I have finally come to the realization that life as a hermit isn't so bad. I had been considering this lifestyle option for many years now since I discovered I was in a world surrounded by morons but had always been swayed by the argument "at least you still have your friends."
But reading through my e-mails this week, I've come to realise that friends are over-rated. Highly. If you're looking for companionship, draw a face on a volleyball and name it Wilson. Friends are around just to make you feel like you're not a total loser. Have you noticed how in schools, the popular kids will gravitate towards each other and the losers become friends simply because they have no one else to talk to? Their friendship is out of necessity not choice. They pretend to enjoy the same things and eventually grow to enjoy the same things but not by choice. Necessity.
Another funny observation is how friends seem to crawl out of the woodwork on your birthday (those that remember without the aid of BirthdayReminder.com). No matter how far you may have grown apart, it's always a good occassion for them to let you know you're important enough to feature on their online calender. It's so contrived.
And how friends always seem to be doing better than you. You're drowning in despair and stuff and they somehow manage to keep prospering. It's like they're shagging Lady Luck or something. And of course, you're obligated to feel happy for them despite the fact that they're success is a thorn in your side. Friends together friends forever? If we were honest to ourselves and acted on our own impulses as opposed to what etiquette tells us we should do in these situations it would be a different story.
And it's not like this realization is gonna change me in anyway. I'm gonna walk out of here and smile at my asshole friends who are doing so well and give them a pat on the back. Good on ya mate. Jolly well good. Butt-munchers!
And why is it that whenever you go to a friend for help, they always somehow manage to turn the problem around and make it about them. Does this sound familiar?
"Hey Jane, I feel really depressed."
"I know what you mean man. Look at what's been happening in my life. My boyfriend...my parents...my school...my career...my future yada yada yada..."
In the end, she's all counselled and you are too tired to remind them that you're meant to be talking about you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, wait till your friend's dog dies. Perfect opportunity to return the favour innit.
See, now Wilson would never do that. He'd be the perfect listener, always available, always smiling (if you choose to draw a smiley face). And he'd never make you feel inferior. I mean, the dude is a friggin' volleyball with marker lines for a face. Asshole.
PS. I'm not having a PMS week. I was just venting.
But reading through my e-mails this week, I've come to realise that friends are over-rated. Highly. If you're looking for companionship, draw a face on a volleyball and name it Wilson. Friends are around just to make you feel like you're not a total loser. Have you noticed how in schools, the popular kids will gravitate towards each other and the losers become friends simply because they have no one else to talk to? Their friendship is out of necessity not choice. They pretend to enjoy the same things and eventually grow to enjoy the same things but not by choice. Necessity.
Another funny observation is how friends seem to crawl out of the woodwork on your birthday (those that remember without the aid of BirthdayReminder.com). No matter how far you may have grown apart, it's always a good occassion for them to let you know you're important enough to feature on their online calender. It's so contrived.
And how friends always seem to be doing better than you. You're drowning in despair and stuff and they somehow manage to keep prospering. It's like they're shagging Lady Luck or something. And of course, you're obligated to feel happy for them despite the fact that they're success is a thorn in your side. Friends together friends forever? If we were honest to ourselves and acted on our own impulses as opposed to what etiquette tells us we should do in these situations it would be a different story.
And it's not like this realization is gonna change me in anyway. I'm gonna walk out of here and smile at my asshole friends who are doing so well and give them a pat on the back. Good on ya mate. Jolly well good. Butt-munchers!
And why is it that whenever you go to a friend for help, they always somehow manage to turn the problem around and make it about them. Does this sound familiar?
"Hey Jane, I feel really depressed."
"I know what you mean man. Look at what's been happening in my life. My boyfriend...my parents...my school...my career...my future yada yada yada..."
In the end, she's all counselled and you are too tired to remind them that you're meant to be talking about you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, wait till your friend's dog dies. Perfect opportunity to return the favour innit.
See, now Wilson would never do that. He'd be the perfect listener, always available, always smiling (if you choose to draw a smiley face). And he'd never make you feel inferior. I mean, the dude is a friggin' volleyball with marker lines for a face. Asshole.
PS. I'm not having a PMS week. I was just venting.
posted by Stuck in 1984 at
9:17 am
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