The Answer.

And literally seconds after I had posted My Thesis on the World, my relentless researching came upon a potential solution to the problem (you might wanna read the post below before you read this).

This past Tuesday, astronomers discovered a planet about 120 trillion miles away (that's kinda close in space terms) that could potentially support life. It's about the same size as earth, may contain liquid water and is close to a star, although the star is smaller, dimmer and cooler than our sun. But it's the first planet they've found outside our solar system that could possibly support life. At the moment, they don't know that much about it and once they know more, they could deem it either hospitable or inhospitable. Duh.

Now, that's all well and good. Whoopee! Considering the fact that this information probably will not affect my life in any critical way. But then an idea sparked in my brain. Follow my thoughts.

So, a few years from now, all the excitement dies and they discover the planet is uninhabitable, as usually happens.

They publish all their findings in their little astronomy books that no one really reads besides astronomers.

But then, an inspired, charismatic and ruthless Hitler-like figure (like me) convinces the world that for its survival, we must eliminate the moron problem.

So then, we put it out on the TV (on moronic channels of course. No moron watches CNBC. I don't think anyone watches CNBC) that they have discovered a habitable planet and are looking to spread the human race there as quick as possible right.

Still following?

So, a little test is created and becomes mandatory for everyone on earth to do. This test would be compiled of questions that on the surface, would seem to be searching for highly intelligent and capable people to start out life on this new planet.

The test would, in reality, be weeding out all the morons on our society.

Once selected, the morons would be told they had all been carefully selected to be the new pioneers of the 21st century. No one would question the mission because they're all morons.

And now for the coup de grace:

We shoot them off to this planet where upon arrival they discover it has average temperatures of -270K and all of them die instantly but painlessly (see, I do have compassion).

On earth we all rejoice and celebrate the guaranteed survival of the human race now that all the morons have gone. Science, technology, politics, and life in general experiences improvements of 2000% now that there are no hinderances and we enter into the Golden Age of humanity.

I think it could work...

My Thesis on the World.

After years and years of banging my head against walls and against door and against little children, I finally discovered the answer to the most pressing question of our human age. A question often pondered by philosophers and laymen alike. A question affecting every aspect of our day to day life struggle.

Why are we surrounded by morons?

I mean, think about it. How often are your efforts frustrated by the actions of les gens sans brain cells? How much easier would it be to accomplish things do things successfully if for the absence of these absent people? They bring tears to my eyes everyday and yet I cannot escape them. They're everywhere!

And this is the reason.

The human race is a species in the animal kingdom. Duh. And as such, our existence and progression is dictated by certain rules. Rules that likewise govern the other species. One of the most basic and critical rules is that of Natural Selection. The strongest will survive and the weakest will perish and thus the survival of the species is guaranteed (barring God doesn't decide to wipe it out in a flood).
Human beings are not immune to this rule. That is how we evolved into our current form. Those who couldn't learn to walk on two legs ceased to be. Those who couldn't master the making and use of common tools ceased to be. Those who couldn't kill tigers were eaten by tigers. Simple yes?

But now, because of the evolution of the post-industrial revolution society, we've created this seemingly infallible construct that protects us from the consequences of natural selection. Those who can't walk on two legs get wheelchairs. Those who can't kill tigers can buy sirloin steaks at the supermarket. And those who cannot master the making and use of common everyday tools become managers and heads of department.

See where I'm going with this?

Where in the wild, nature would have disposed of those members of society that seem to be a hindrance (lets call them morons), modern civilization has protected them and thus allowed them to breed and multiply successfully, creating more and more morons everyday. The result is that we are now trapped in a continuam of moronic reproduction that, if not kept checked will result in the eventual destruction of the human race.

Exaggeration? I think not. A moron with a pencil and paper can result in the mass production and dissemination of Mills and Boon books. A moron with a camera can result in the birth of shows like Britney and Kevin's Chaotic. A moron behind a computer can wipe out a hard drive of important and possibly critical information. A moron behind the wheel of an 18 wheeler can cause untold amounts of death and destruction. A moron in an oval office with a red phone and a red button can divide the entire world in two. A moron with a nuclear weapon?

Where does it end? Where is the solution? Instead of rogue meteors, global warming, a new ice age, will our inevitable end come from within?

Scary isn't it...

On days like this, it seems the world could swallow you up and no one would notice. If only...

THE END.

Attention. Final call for SAA flight A342 to the end of the world now boarding at Gate E10. Repeat. Final call for SAA flight A342 to the end of the world now boarding at Gate E10.

Emily sits on the bench, luggage at her feet, holding the boarding pass and watching it tremble ever so slightly in her hand. She's waiting. She knows she has to get up, pick up her bags, run over to the boarding gates, go through security, make sure she hasn't forgotten her passport, double-check her boarding pass, get through the gates, onto the bus, shuttle over to the plane and get on. But she does none of this. Not yet anyway. She's waiting.
Her concentration is broken by a shriek. A shriek and a laugh. She looks up in time to catch a man encumbered with luggage receiving a shrill embrace from a woman who almost knocks him over in her excitement.

"You're back early!" she says.
"Thought I'd surprise you," he replies.

The man drops all his bags, opening himself up to receive her and only her. They kiss and in an instant become one single reunited entity, moving and breathing and touching in one synchronized motion. He breathes in and she breathes out and they are both finally satisfied. They stand for a moment observing their spots and freckles perfectly aligned. A mirror image.

"I missed you." she says.
"I'm back now," he replies.

Attention. This is the final call for SAA flight A342 boarding at Gate E10. Repeat. This is the final call for SAA flight A342 boarding at Gate E10.

"Emily!"
Emily's back arches. She recognizes that voice. It's what she's been waiting for but she doesn't dare turn her head for fear that it was only her mind, maliciously toying with her tense emotion. She listens. Footsteps pound the terminal floor, each one drawing nearer to her.
"Emily!"
Convinced this time, she turns to see Bobby huffing and heaving his way towards her. The muscles in her body relax. She doesn't have to wait anymore. Bobby's here and that makes everything alright. Usually.

"Emily I'm so so sorry! There was a massive accident on the highway and traffic was blocked for miles back. I left work early, like I said and I thought I'd have enough time but..."
"Shhhh. It's ok now," she says, placing her trembling forefinger on his trembling lips.
"Emily I'm sorry. How much time do you have?"

Attention. This is the final call for SAA flight A342 boarding at Gate E10. Repeat. This is the final call for SAA flight A342 boarding at Gate E10.

His question is answered and in the tiny moment of silence that ensues, there is the sound of a heartbreak.

"I have to go now," she says.

Stuck for words, he brings her in and kisses her. But the kiss is cold and strange. He knows it's because her heart is already on the plane. But he fights the thought and kisses her even harder.
She tries to enjoy what she knows will be their last kiss but instead asks herself whether her passport is safe, if she still has her boarding pass and wonders, even more strangely, who will be sitting in the seat next to hers.

They disengage and Bobby picks up her bags for her. They look at each other for a second and then walk hurriedly towards the security checks. They get there and Bobby fumbles her bags into the metal detector. She unloads her pockets into the tray and sends it though behind her bags. All her things are through now. All that's left is for her to walk through the metal detector and once she's through, she's not coming back.
She turns to face Bobby and thinks of the right words to say. The right words to sum up their time together. Twenty years old and she's lost for words. She wants to say she loves him and wishes she didn't have to leave. She wants to tell him to come with her, though she knows he can't. She looks for anything to say to break the tension and comes up with:

"I'll call you when I get there."

Bobby feels tears welling but fights them. He fights the tearing in his heart, he fights the anger in his fists, he fights the confusion in his head in order to string together one sentence that matters. He hadn't planned on being this rushed and now he must find words of value that will make everything seem ok. He's Bobby. He always finds a way to make everything ok. He opens his mouth:

"Have a safe trip."

A lingering moment and she turns to walk away. She takes her bags from security and starts running, hoping to catch the gate before it closes. He stands and watches her run.

That's it. The two will call each other for two months but that'll stop. They'll write e-mails to each other but the distance between each response will grow until only birthdays and Christmases can motivate them to continue. She'll grow older and so will he and later in life, they'll think of each other, hating themselves for growing distant. But who can blame them? It's the way of all things to break and fall apart.

Well, well, well was a song written by Ben Harper and the Blind Boys of Alabama.

Well anyway, I just got back from a friggin' fantastic trip around parts of South Africa. I was hired to do sound booming for a tour video of some American students from Washington DC as they discovered Africa for the first time. These kids were between 14 and 18 and all part of the Black Student Union at Sidwell in DC. I first went in thinking it was just gonna be a chilled holiday, all expenses paid for me to carry around a boom pole. Wrong!

The tour group was taken to some of the most important historical sites in South Africa; the District 6 museum, Robben Island, Lesedi village, the Cape Peninsula and many more. With each stop, I learned more and more about the traumatic but heartbreakingly beautiful history of South Africa and its struggle and its people, beyond the age old stories of Nelson Mandela, PW Botha and the other usual suspects. These were stories of real people who lived through these real events that aren't just stories and pictures contained in a museum or textbook. I was so inspired by everything that I saw. It gave me a new respect and perspective on South Africa and what it means to be African. For those ten days, I didn't feel so alienated from this place anymore. For those ten days, there was something worth living for and fighting for in the world beyond our 21st century rat-race. Moments like this give me hope that my life will find its meaning someday. Moments like this make me less afraid to dream.
It was beautiful.