You know what? I give up. I have finally come to the realization that life as a hermit isn't so bad. I had been considering this lifestyle option for many years now since I discovered I was in a world surrounded by morons but had always been swayed by the argument "at least you still have your friends."
But reading through my e-mails this week, I've come to realise that friends are over-rated. Highly. If you're looking for companionship, draw a face on a volleyball and name it Wilson. Friends are around just to make you feel like you're not a total loser. Have you noticed how in schools, the popular kids will gravitate towards each other and the losers become friends simply because they have no one else to talk to? Their friendship is out of necessity not choice. They pretend to enjoy the same things and eventually grow to enjoy the same things but not by choice. Necessity.
Another funny observation is how friends seem to crawl out of the woodwork on your birthday (those that remember without the aid of BirthdayReminder.com). No matter how far you may have grown apart, it's always a good occassion for them to let you know you're important enough to feature on their online calender. It's so contrived.
And how friends always seem to be doing better than you. You're drowning in despair and stuff and they somehow manage to keep prospering. It's like they're shagging Lady Luck or something. And of course, you're obligated to feel happy for them despite the fact that they're success is a thorn in your side. Friends together friends forever? If we were honest to ourselves and acted on our own impulses as opposed to what etiquette tells us we should do in these situations it would be a different story.
And it's not like this realization is gonna change me in anyway. I'm gonna walk out of here and smile at my asshole friends who are doing so well and give them a pat on the back. Good on ya mate. Jolly well good. Butt-munchers!
And why is it that whenever you go to a friend for help, they always somehow manage to turn the problem around and make it about them. Does this sound familiar?

"Hey Jane, I feel really depressed."
"I know what you mean man. Look at what's been happening in my life. My boyfriend...my parents...my school...my career...my future yada yada yada..."

In the end, she's all counselled and you are too tired to remind them that you're meant to be talking about you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, wait till your friend's dog dies. Perfect opportunity to return the favour innit.

See, now Wilson would never do that. He'd be the perfect listener, always available, always smiling (if you choose to draw a smiley face). And he'd never make you feel inferior. I mean, the dude is a friggin' volleyball with marker lines for a face. Asshole.

PS. I'm not having a PMS week. I was just venting.

OK, I know this is a stretch but try to think back to March this year. You may recall in between snores a furore that arose concerning the Best Original Song for a movie category. You may even recall the name of the rap outfit that took to the stage with the requisite ho's and posse and unleashed upon the masses a downpour of slurred shout outs to the hood and their homies and such.
Three 6 Mafia in case you don't actually remember.
They won for they're song, It's hard out here for a pimp, beating off the likes of redneck favourite Dolly Parton and that other girl who sang with the cars on fire (it's not a good sign when the flaming cars are more interesting than the singer of the song - take note). The stiff applause of the lily-white crowd showed what they were all thinking: "Our sanctity has been betrayed. Them damn negroes are taking over. I'm moving to New Zealand" It was quite an entertaining event. I think they should have also won awards for the loudest acceptance speech and loudest speech in which the viewers understood nothing of what was said. Even Jon Stewart mentioned this after they had left, leading to his one and only funny joke of the evening. See, they did do some good.

Anyway, the point of this is that Three 6 Mafia are making the next "logical" career move. What more is there to do after gracing the Oscar stage: Reality TV of course.
They are coming up with they're own reality show. Details are sketchy concerning the premise but expect the usual onslaught of hoes and hennessy showcasing how hard it really is out there for a pimp.

God save the television industry...

OK so I haven't written for a while and I don't feel like explaining in too much detail. It's been the evil organism that I call university that's kept me from noting and commenting on the idiosyncrasies of my existence. I really like that sentence. Proof that it hasn't sucked all the creativity from my core.

Anyway, the point was that I've had an awful 3rd term and I will now recover by being more cynical than ever. My aim this holiday is to progress from being mildy humourous to being a f**king riot!